To the Guardian of one of my clients at work
You can go fuck yourself. Just because you’ve heard a bunch of testimonials from pyramid scheme companies about the “wonders these natural products” can do for your ward does not make you an expert in healthcare. You’re worried that the prescription drug companies are just trying to make money? There is a reason why these health supplement companies fail. The products don’t work and people die. They make up those testimonials to real you in and the health of you, your family, and your ward suffer because your refuse normal care. You think that by not signing the paperwork for us to administer his medications that you are “saving” him from being medicated improperly. He won’t be. We can’t. It’s illegal for us to give him anything thing you haven’t pre-approved. And you’re a fucking moron for thinking you know better about healthcare than someone who’s worked in the field, caring for people like your ward for the last 7 years. When I calmly, politely, caringly tell, “Hey, if you need help taking your ward to the doctor or making sure his health is the best it can be, let us know,” don’t sit and interupt me with “mhmm, mhmm, yep, mhmm,” making it obvious you don’t give a shit about what I’m telling while in the same breath, bitch at me about having to take him to get injections so he doesn’t have a stroke or heart attack. I knew you weren’t fucking listening, but it’s as fucking insulting as having someone smear shit in your face like you’re a dog that had an accident on the oriental rug, when you agree to let us know if you need help and then leave a nasty note that you, and only you, will be taking him to his doctor appointments. I’m only 25 but I know 30x more about how the system works and how to get things taken care of then you ever could in a million fucking years. The health of your ward will suffer and quite honestly…if you’re demanding to be in charge of all this bullshit with his health that you know NOTHING about, then have him live with you rather than waste MY FUCKING RESOURCES trying to find him when you randomly take him off premises without telling me or any of my other staff.
People like you shouldn’t be allowed guardianship. If you weren’t related to him, no court would ever approve you. It took you 3 weeks to have his leg looked at when when he was complaining of pain with a history of life threatening blood clots. Go fuck yourself you sickening joke of a human being. I would bet my entire year’s income that I care more and would do more for him, having known him for only a year, than you ever would in his entire life.
Dear dipshit boss,
Midnight (12 AM) is the mark of a new day. This most frustrating time was trying to explain the concept of midnight to your halitosis-breathing, cauliflower ear, profoundly-retarded ass. Please die in a fire. And I wiped my balls all over your phone’s handset. Enjoy the smell of pickled balls, dipshit. Not that you’ll notice with your shit breath.
Wait, that was insulting to both shit and the truly mentally retarded.
Just die in a fire for humanity’s sake.
*submits resume* 3:28 PM
*receives email response* 4:25 PM
“Dear job applicant,
We’ve reviewed your background for our (position title) need here at (company) and will not be moving forward at this time.
Thank you for your interest and best of luck with your job search.
Office Manager”
Really? An OFFICE MANAGER decided that my qualifications were absent within ONE HOUR of submission? You have a freakin’ theatre background. So maybe we should wonder what qualifications YOU have to work for a TECHNOLOGY company SCREENING candidates. If you are going to screen me out, at least use FREAKIN’ TECHNOLOGY!!!!!!!!! You make absolutely ZERO sense and your company will fail because of your wasteful processes.
Boy did you really let it go down the drain. You and your fellow execs care so much about your brand, you don’t mind making a six-figure investment in print catalogs. Really? In the year 2011? And look what you’ve done with your digital marketing.
Think you can make fun of me for passing out on the bathroom floor, when you are the one who got it on IN the storage space WITH a Kenny G lookalike?
No, I will not wait by the phone all weekend for a call telling me the consumer is out of the hospital. It is the third time in a month she has gone. She needs to be in a nursing home!
You love Jesus? That’s great. Just stop trying to shove christianity up my arse. The floodgates of heaven are closing. Make it rain!
Listen, asshole. I didn’t come to the world to be pushed around by a fuckhead like you. You can’t get your job done? Like I give a shit about that. And NO, I don’t give a fucking damn about your personal life issues, can’t handle your woman, then get divorced for fucks FUCKING sake! Everytime you leave I have to get YOUR shit done and I never complain about that, but when I leave like 5 minutes earlier, you’re being like Godzilla, telling me being a lazy asshole, who cares about his own life. Well MAYBE I got done ealier and didn’t spent THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME on the phone you fucking chatterbox, what about getting your work done instead??
Turn down your fucking cell phone ringer. It’s bad enough it’s loud but you have the damn Sesame Street song playing. Not even the mildly amusing techno song from the early 90s, the theme song for the kid’s show. You’re an adult, put your phone on Vibrate and grow the fuck up.
